the one about badrul and his parents...

duduk di meja makan with my mom, my dad, my sisters and the kids untuk berbuka puasa buat kali pertama di bulan ramadhan nih, hati benar-benar terusik... i tried my best not to shed any tears... well, not on the day we break fast bersama-sama... not this time when we were sitting down, the whole family, together... i looked at my mom... her face full of wrinkles, tersenyum memandang semua sambil melayan kerenah cucu-cucu... i looked at my dad... uban penuh di kepala... eating quietly, and once in awhile, looking at his watch, takut terlambat ke surau... i excused myself and on the way to the kitchen, i could feel the tears burning my eyes...

the news earlier today benar-benar buat i hilang selera berbuka... my parents are going to extend their stay... they will be in mekah for four weeks and will only be back after hari raya... well, i’m happy for them, but the selfish part of me yang tengah melayan kesayuan... and as human beings, our selfishness always wins... honestly, i’m so happy for them... for the next four weeks, it will be them and god... no grandchildren to pester them, no chores to take care of, no worries about anything else... just praying... antara diri dan Tuhan yang maha esa...

my mind was playing tricks on me again... otak berputar-putar memainkan pelbagai kesalahan silam yang sering i buat terhadap mereka... i can see my mom crying because i melawan cakap dia, or when I say something hurtful to her just to make sure she stays out of my way... i can see my dad giving me the silent treatment because i was kurang ajar with him, or when i purposely ignored whatever advice he gave me... i can just picture them looking so worried because i ran away from home, or when i couldn’t care less about my life...

then, another part of my mind reminded me of all pengorbanan yang mereka lakukan... i can smell my mom’s sweet perfume when she had to stay up late at night to wipe my face when i was having a fever, or when my dad terpaksa memalukan diri meminjam kereta pakcik untuk hantarkan i ke boarding school... or when my dad had to take night classes to ensure our family had a better future, or when my mom had to ride a motorbike to go to work late at night bila dia kena kerja shift malam di hospital... I can just go on and on and on...

after terawih tadi, i kissed my mom on her cheek, i kissed both my dad’s hands... the last time i did that was hari raya last year... and now i feel so peaceful...

“ ya Allah ya tuhan ku, berikanlah ketenangan kepada kedua ibubapaku... berikanlah kekuatan untuk mereka beribadah kepada Mu...
ya Allah ya tuhan ku, ampunkanlah dosa kedua-dua mereka... dan jadikanlah kami semua hamba Mu yang beriman...
ya Allah ya Tuhan ku, berilah kemudahan kepada kedua ibubapaku... selamatkanlah perjalanan mereka pergi dan kembali... aku hanya berserah kepada Mu, ya Allah ya Tuhan ku...”