the one about badrul and things that were beyond his control...

diddy (i)...

now i have pictures! hhhmmmm... so, i'm on leave from tuesday sampai hujung minggu... empat hari cuti, plus dua hari hujung minggu, i have six days that i thought i could use it untuk relax kat rumah... fat chance! dah nak masuk setengah tahun, this is the first time i applied for leave... sebenarnya, the real reason i ambik cuti pun sebab i nak habiskan my report, which is due this friday... i knew i couldn't finish it kat office sebab ada sajer benda yang lain that needs my attention... so, i thought i could finish my report at home dan lepas tuh boleh lepak dengan family... again, fat chance! i have eight files to finish, and masuk hari nih, i haven't touch it at all... today (wednesday) i have to go to office to finish some recording and to attend anugerah era meeting at 4.00pm... i thought i could rush home after the meeting and start on my report, but i was stucked in the jam and back to the office sampai jalanraya dah okay sikit... so, fat chance! the plan in my head now is to finish everything by tomorrow (thursday), tak payah makan, minum *except nature's call lah* and mengadap laptop sepanjang hari sampailah report tuh siap, but suddenly i remember about my luch appointment with one of our local designers yang sebelum nih i dah postpone berpuluh-puluh kali.... wwwuuuaarrrghhhhh... i don't know if i can handle this... rasa malu giler nak postpone kan lagi sekali... hhhmmmm... but whatever yang jadi, by hook or by crook, i have to finish my report...


diddy (ii)...

i received tons of smses asking me the same question, but honestly, i don't know what to answer... it's beyond my control... but it does effected me a lot... my heart was broken into pieces... though you will see this big smile pasted on my face, you don't know what was going on inside of me... kadangkala i terfikir jugak, mungkin i merupakan sebahagian daripada penyebabnya... mungkin kalau i pay more attention, kalau i dapat baca apa yang bergolak, kalau i dapat pujuk hati yang panas, kalau i dapat tenangkan perasaan yang berkecamuk... semua nih takkan berlaku... mungkin kalau i lebih menghargai sebuah persahabatan, i would be able to do more... tapi apa yang berlaku telah pun berlalu, and nothing i can do to bring them back together... sebelum nih i selalu kata i bakal tersepit di tengah-tengah... i nanti akan rasa tak selesa... hhmmmmm... how selfish... i never thought about their feelings... about not being able to see me at the same time, or talk to me at the same place, or going out melepak bersama-sama... i never thought about that... i kept thinking i was the victim... i am so sorry... sorry for being so selfish and just thinking about myself... sorry for not being a better friend or brother... sorry for not not being able to do something... anything...


diddy (iii)...

last sunday lepas habis konsert akademi fantasia, we went for late lunch... lepas tuh i dapat called from my mom cakap ellisya terjatuh... my sister came from penang with her family so ramailah budak-budak kat rumah... so masa tengah main-main tuh, one of them tertolak ellisya and dia tersembam dan kena bucu tangga... pecah bibir and kena dua jahitan... selepas balik dari clinic, dia dah start demam... mungkin trauma and taknak dengan sapa-sapa except me... sekarang dia dah okay sikit tapi masih lagi trauma kot... sekejap-sekejap demam... tapi bengkaknya dah surut... cuma selera makan masih belum ada... mungkin masih sakit... the first night tuh i langsung tak dapat tidur... bila jer ubat tahan sakit tuh dah tak meninggalkan kesan, she will cry and cry... i rasa sedih sangat... everytime i tengok muka dia, i mesti menangis... i just cry in the toilet sebab i rasa helpless... at times, i question myself... how long can i cope up with my hectic schedules... why can i pay more attention to my family... macam-macam lah... how i wish i have all the answers... hhhmmmm... but what i really wish right now is that... i wish it was me instead of her...